Before becoming pregnant with my daughter, I spent a long time wondering whether parenthood would suit me — or whether it would even be possible at all. I was in my early thirties. Then life moved quickly: I met my partner, we moved in together, and just a few months later I found out I was pregnant. The joy was overwhelming.
Before that, my life revolved around studying, working, traveling, partying — living fully for myself. I had been in three long-term relationships before my current one. In all of them, children were discussed, but the men never wanted them. Over time, I started to believe that maybe parenthood simply wasn’t meant for me.
That belief was completely wrong.
Parenthood Changed the Meaning of Life
Becoming a parent is the most meaningful thing I have ever experienced. I truly don’t care about my master’s degree, career achievements, or even sleeping through the night. Sometimes I miss having time to myself — but I had plenty of that in my twenties, so I don’t feel deprived.
People often say, “You only live once — live for yourself.”
I don’t agree.
In my experience, life becomes far more meaningful when I place myself last. For years now, I haven’t really had a “personal life” in the traditional sense — my life revolves around my children. I attend choir rehearsals, which is my only hobby, and that feels enough.
Choosing to Stay Home and Breastfeed Long-Term
When I became pregnant with my daughter, my partner and I decided early on that I would stay home for three years and breastfeed for as long as possible. I breastfed her for a year and a half — and by then, I was already pregnant with our son.
I breastfed him for a year and a half as well, and just one month later, I found out I was pregnant with our third child.
People often say that the stage of having small children is temporary — but honestly, it doesn’t feel that way. Temporary would mean a few months or a year. I last worked in 2021, and I won’t return until our third child turns three. That means I’ll have been home for about eight years.
Realistically, I may never return to work at all. At that point, retirement won’t be far away anyway (that’s a joke — mostly).
How Children Reshape Priorities
Children give life an entirely different perspective. The responsibility is enormous — and it matters more than anything else. Financially, I’ve become far more responsible. Emotionally, I’ve matured in ways I never expected.
Children have also strengthened our relationship as a couple. We haven’t had much time alone together, but going through difficult periods — and surviving them — has made our bond stronger.
Before children, I didn’t plan finances or think about the future. I lived day by day. Now I think long-term: maybe a house, a larger vehicle, more stability, assets for the future.
I also take care of my health. I don’t drink or smoke. I eat properly so that breastfeeding is possible and my unborn baby can grow well.
Fertility, Timing, and the Right Partner
Before having children, I sometimes worried that my lifestyle might make parenthood impossible, despite being generally healthy. But with the right partner, getting pregnant happened easily — three times.
My partner says that some people never have children, while he managed to have three within five years.
Time Becomes Precious
Before children, I wasted time without thinking — watching series, scrolling, filling hours without purpose. Now time is valuable. I use it consciously and intentionally.
That’s something what I wish I knew before becoming a parent: children don’t steal time — they teach you how valuable it really is.
The Hard Parts No One Likes to Talk About
Of course, there are negatives.
My social life has essentially disappeared. I don’t have friends I meet regularly. My call log is empty. Messenger is quiet. Everyone lives far away, everyone has their own lives — and I simply don’t have the time or energy to chat.
There is also the constant lack of personal time. Emotional peace has sometimes been nonexistent, especially with pregnancies, medical decisions, and diagnoses.
Time with partner is non-existent. No date nights, no going out to enjoy some alone time. Maybe there will be time for that in 10 years.
Yes, life would be easier alone: time for myself, money for myself, quiet. With children, none of that exists. You have to grow character, develop resilience, and cope with everything life throws at you.
Why I Would Still Choose This Life
Despite everything, children have impacted my life positively in ways I can’t even fully describe. I cannot imagine life without them.
I believe children are not truly ours — they are borrowed. Individuals may not “need” children, but society does. Without families and children, our people and culture would disappear.
If everyone lived only for themselves, the future would be empty.
That’s why I genuinely encourage people to have children — and to find joy in them. Parenthood isn’t easy, but it is deeply meaningful.
And that is the biggest thing I wish I knew before becoming a parent.
If you’d like to read more about the positive psychological impact children can have on parents’ lives, you can find an open-access scientific article here.
You are not alone in this.
If you would like to go deeper, you can buy the e-book Our Journey – A Different Path for honest reflections and lived experience beyond this post: https://payhip.com/b/c9s3b
You can also purchase supportive routine templates designed to help parents and children navigate daily life with more clarity, structure, and understanding: https://payhip.com/b/RYA65
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