Halfway Through My Third Pregnancy
I am expecting our third child, and according to my calendar, I should be well past the halfway mark. The only time marker I have is my calendar itself.
Everything we went through with our son during pregnancy led my partner and me to decide to refuse routine pregnancy check-ups this time.
I debated for a week whether to contact a trusted midwife, but by late summer, I decided to call and register. I immediately told her on the phone that I would not be seeing a doctor. She was a little surprised, but ultimately there’s nothing she can do — all check-ups are voluntary.
Health Monitoring Without Stressful Check-Ups
I agreed to blood tests to ensure I am healthy and free from infections. Early in pregnancy, I had a cold and contracted Lyme disease from a tick, but otherwise, my health has been good. I took medications approved for pregnancy, including antibiotics, and I feel well. Recently, I even rode my bike 20 km without noticeable fatigue. I eat and sleep well.
This pregnancy feels much calmer than the previous ones. I have energy to care for our other children, which was often impossible during my pregnancy with my son.
Why We Refused Routine Check-Ups
Refusing pregnancy check-ups was our decision a long time ago. During my daughter’s pregnancy, ultrasounds made me feel uncomfortable — as if I were being screened to see if my baby was “perfect enough” to live. With our son, it was even harder. I was anxious, overwhelmed, and cried throughout the pregnancy. Comments from others, including medical staff suggesting I should not have him, only increased stress. Many people didn’t understand I want my son with Down syndrome.
Although pregnancy check-ups are advertised as providing reassurance, for me they caused fear and anxiety. I am not willing to repeat that experience.
I also reflected on fairness: my daughter was wanted, my son was wanted, and our third child is equally wanted — no matter any prenatal diagnoses. When I learned I was pregnant with my son, I was seven weeks along and very happy. The Down syndrome diagnosis came at twelve weeks — how could five weeks change anything so that I would not want this child? He is still the same baby I was excited to welcome at seven weeks!
Medical Considerations and Safety
I have had two emergency C-sections, so this pregnancy has a high likelihood of requiring another planned C-section. That was the main reason I registered with the midwife: someone needs to monitor placenta placement near week 36.
Even then, I worry about receiving negative or alarming news. Driving home in such a state is risky, especially with my son accompanying me and my daughter needing care at home. I may ask the doctor not to comment aloud to minimize stress.
Balancing Past Trauma and Present Peace
Refusing check-ups is not about ignoring safety. I am attentive to my own health and my baby’s needs. But I prioritize mental and emotional well-being over routine testing, based on past experiences.
This approach allows me to engage fully with my children and enjoy this pregnancy without constant anxiety.
Our Decision is Right for Us
We understand that most people may not understand our choice, but it feels right for us.
How have others approached prenatal care? Did you follow all recommended check-ups, or did you make selective choices for your own well-being?
If you want to read about the ethics of prenatal testing, you can do so here.
You are not alone in this.
If you would like to go deeper, you can buy the e-book Our Journey – A Different Path for honest reflections and lived experience beyond this post: https://payhip.com/b/c9s3b
You can also purchase supportive routine templates designed to help parents and children navigate daily life with more clarity, structure, and understanding: https://payhip.com/b/RYA65
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