These are things that other parents treat as normal, sensible, or even obvious. I genuinely cannot get on board with any of them. Make of that what you will.
1. Weaning on the mother’s schedule
A child will wean themselves when they are ready – typically somewhere around eighteen months to two years, as solid food increases and nursing naturally decreases. So why would a mother wean a one-year-old deliberately? Sit through engorged, painful breasts full of milk she is choosing not to give, while the child cries for something that is being withheld from them? Breastfeeding is one of the most important things a mother can do for her child. If the milk is there, give it. The child will let you know when they are done.
2. Formula without genuine necessity
The science on this is not ambiguous. Breast milk is the optimal food for a baby – full stop. It is very rare for a mother to be genuinely unable to breastfeed, and in those cases formula is of course the right choice. But outside of genuine necessity I do not understand the decision. I am aware that the current trend is to support whatever choice a mother makes, framed as solidarity. I cannot fully get behind that framing when the person most affected is the baby, who deserves the best available option. Breast is best. That is not a judgement of struggling mothers – it is a statement about what the evidence shows.
3. Rushing back to work
What does a child need more in the first years of life – money or time with their parent? The answer seems obvious to me. The standard response is that one income is not financially possible for most families. I understand that this is genuinely true for many people. But I also think it is sometimes a priority question dressed up as a financial one. We have stretched ourselves considerably to make it work on one income, specifically so that our children always have a parent at home. No sick-day logistics, no childcare handoffs for illness, no missed firsts. Financially it would be easier with two incomes. But the first three years matter too much to hand to someone else.
4. Sleep training
I find this one genuinely difficult to understand. A baby has just come from the womb, where they heard their mother’s heartbeat continuously and were held in constant warmth. They need to be held, nursed, soothed – as many times a night as they need it, for as long as they need it. Leaving a small child to cry alone in the dark until they stop is not teaching them to sleep. It is teaching them that calling for comfort does not work. A child who stops crying has not learned self-regulation – they have given up. They will sleep through the night when they are developmentally ready. That time will come.
5. Nursery from eighteen months, five days a week
Some parents put children as young as one and a half into nursery full time. I think this should honestly not be happening. A child that age needs their parent – the proximity, the familiarity, the security of the person they know best. The socialisation argument does not hold up at that age: children under three do not play together, they play alongside each other. There is no social benefit that outweighs the cost of long separation from the primary attachment figure at that developmental stage.
I understand that parents reach their limits. I reach mine too. A few hours with a childminder so you can go to the hairdresser or the shops – completely fine, genuinely necessary sometimes. But that is different from institutionalising a baby for forty hours a week so that the adult can return to work and personal freedom. In most cases there is another parent who can share the load. The child’s need for closeness should come first.
6. Travelling with babies and toddlers
I understand the appeal of experiences. But I do not understand putting a baby on a plane. Ears and brain development are delicate, and pressure changes in flight are genuinely hard on small bodies in ways that are difficult to predict. You might have a fine journey. You might have hours of a child in pain with no way to help them. Beyond the flight itself: a two to four-year-old needs to move constantly, which makes airports and long journeys a particular kind of ordeal. And once you arrive at the destination, you are still a parent – still watching, still changing, still feeding, still managing. You are the same parent in a different location, usually with fewer of your familiar things around you. I travelled a lot as a child, but I was old enough to understand and participate in what we were doing. Very small children are not. I was left at home until I was.
7. Overscheduling children
This is one of the parenting norms I do not understand that bothers me most, partly because it affects older children who cannot articulate what is being done to them. When I was teaching piano, I had a student who attended an elite school with a heavy academic load, came to me, and was also enrolled in multiple other activities. Some children are arriving home from training at eight in the evening most nights. Their weekends are consumed by competitions. They are exhausted and they have nowhere to simply be.
Boredom is not a problem to solve. It is where creativity comes from. A child who is bored outside will pick up a stick and invent something to do with it. A child whose every hour is scheduled never has to. I had school and music school – five days a week, with practice required. That was enough. The rest of my time was mine, and I am genuinely grateful for that. Swimming in summer, skiing in winter, playing with other children, being outside. That was childhood. Adding two sports clubs, dance, art, and a choir on top of an already full week is not giving children more – it is taking something from them.
It’s also about children with special needs. My 2-year-old Mr has Down syndrome. Yes, he needs more support but overscheduling his days with therapies and appointments? No. He has physiotherapy and swimming twice a month. Speech therapy, special education class and creative therapy once a month. ENT and neurologist once or twice a year. That’s all. During summer – nothing for three months. He also deserves to be just a child with play, slow mornings and free unstructured time. I understand that he’s doing quite well and there are kids who need much more support but still, they’re just kids too.
8. Being touched out
For me, the best and easiest time with kids has always been newborn stage. I could hold my baby for hours and breastfeed every 20 minutes. Pure bliss! Also toddlers, when they behave, I could hug them and hold tight for a long time. Being touched out has never been a thing for me. I understand, for some it can be overstimulating but for me no.
A note on all of this
These are the parenting norms I do not understand – genuinely, not as performance. I am not interested in making anyone feel judged for their choices, and I know that some of these positions will land differently depending on someone’s circumstances. But I also think there is value in saying clearly what you believe rather than hedging everything into meaninglessness.
These are my honest views. I hold them lightly enough to listen, and firmly enough that I am not going to pretend I do not have them.
You are not alone.
If this story resonated with you and you’d like to go deeper, you can explore my e-book Our Journey – A Different Path. It offers honest reflections and lived experience beyond this post.
If you’re looking for practical support, I’ve created Routine Templates to help parents and children navigate daily life with more clarity, structure, and understanding.
You can also read my previous posts or follow along on Instagram @parentguidancehub, where I share everyday reflections on parenting, family life, and finding balance.
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