The Biggest Shift Is Becoming a Parent at All
I truly believe this is the biggest difference of all: having children versus not having them.
I am raising a four-year-old daughter and a two-year-old son, and I have come to understand that parenting is the most meaningful work in the world. No career, mission, or list of achievements compares to it.
There is a well-known woman in my country—now retired—who had an extraordinary career as a singer and actress. In one interview, she said that her life would feel completely meaningless if she had not had children. I understand exactly what she meant. Children give life an entirely different depth and purpose.
That is why the transition from no children to one child is by far the biggest change.
Life Before Children: Freedom Without Limits
Before becoming a parent, I lived entirely for myself.
My time was mine. My money was mine.
I traveled, studied, worked, partied. I did whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted. I didn’t have to consider anyone else’s needs, sleep, or rhythm.
When I became pregnant with my daughter, everything changed.
I told my partner that I would stay home with the baby and breastfeed, and that he would support our family financially. He agreed—and five years later, nothing has changed.
I felt immense gratitude for my body, for its ability to create life. Infertility is such a common struggle today, and I had always feared that I might never be able to have children at all.
My daughter gave my life a completely new meaning.
Motherhood as a Calling
The emergency C-section with my daughter was traumatic, and in many ways I feel I failed her early on. I’ve written about that before. But my love for her is immeasurable.
I am endlessly proud of her—of how beautiful, intelligent, capable, strong, and attentive she is. I hug and kiss her every single day: first thing in the morning and last thing at night.
Sometimes I wonder who I would be if she had never been born.
I would probably be working as a teacher, contributing to society by teaching other people’s children. That work matters—but it is not the same.
I don’t miss work at all. Teaching my own children feels infinitely more meaningful. I earned academic degrees up to a master’s level, and while that was nice, those titles hold no real importance to me now.
I’ve been invited back to work many times. It doesn’t matter.
Dedicating myself to my children is my calling—and I understood that the moment I became pregnant with my daughter.
One Child: Total Devotion
Becoming a parent taught me one essential truth: I no longer live only for myself.
Another human being depends on me completely.
Because I breastfed my daughter every three hours throughout the night for a year and a half, every part of my life revolved around her. Every decision had to consider her needs first.
With one child, your entire focus is on that child—and that is both exhausting and deeply bonding.
From One Child to Two: Familiar, Yet Different
After my traumatic C-section, I believed I might never become pregnant again. But when my daughter was one year and four months old, I found myself expecting our son.
The joy was just as real—but different.
Especially because we learned during pregnancy that he has Down syndrome.
Still, we decided immediately that he would be raised as an equal to his sister. He would receive all the support he needs, but the rules would be the same for both children.
The difference between one child and two children is not just about logistics, but about how time, energy, and emotional presence are divided.
What Was Easier the Second Time
In many ways, having a second child was easier.
I was mentally prepared for another C-section. I understood breastfeeding better. All the things that felt overwhelming with my daughter—diapers, clothing changes, packing bags, car chaos—were already familiar.
I didn’t overbuy equipment. With my daughter, I used a breastfeeding table. With my son, I realized hospital pads were much simpler.
Experience matters.
What Became Harder With Two Children
The biggest challenge was time.
With one child, when she slept, I had time for myself. With two, when one slept, the other needed me. Rarely did they nap at the same time.
Caring for two sick children is also far more demanding. Everything multiplies: saline, tissues, aspirator tips, eye drops, creams. When one child has diarrhea and the other is constipated, even meals require careful planning.
Leaving the house became an operation. The car was always full: a bike for my daughter, a stroller for my son, snacks, water, spare clothes, diapers, wipes—everything.
With one child, life was lighter in that sense.
The Unexpected Gift of Siblings
And yet, having two children also made life easier in unexpected ways.
When I’m alone upstairs with my son, he quickly gets bored of the small room and of looking only at me. The same happens when he’s alone in the stroller outside.
But when his sister is there, everything changes.
He lights up when he sees her. She includes him in games. Just yesterday, she invited him to play a fishing game with her—and they played peacefully together.
She helps him, protects him, and when he was a baby, she proudly brought diapers and wipes.
There are fights. There are hugs. Always both.
Zero to One vs. One to Two
There is a difference between having one child and having two—but it is not as big as the difference between having no children and becoming a parent.
Once you have one child, your life already revolves around children. Adding another changes the logistics, not the foundation.
The biggest transformation is the first one.
Waiting for the Third
Now I am expecting our third child.
It will certainly be chaos. I don’t know whether the older two will play together peacefully enough for me to breastfeed calmly—or whether that’s just a hopeful illusion.
But the hope is there. And the joy is real.
The children kiss my belly constantly.
We are hoping for the best.
You are not alone.
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