Someone called my parenting opinions “ragebait” recently. I laughed, because I genuinely had not intended it that way. But here we are. These are my controversial parenting principles, and I stand by all of them.
A little context first
I have three children under five: Ms, who is four, Mr, who is two and has Down syndrome, and B, who is four months old. My partner and I have been doing this together for four years without a single date night, without a single real adult conversation that did not circle back to children, money, housework, or logistics. We are, in the truest sense of the phrase, co-parents who are also trying to be partners. Life is very intense for all of us.
My controversial parenting principles feel entirely natural and logical to me. I understand that they do not to everyone. I also know that somewhere out there, at least some parents will read each of these and feel exactly the same way I do. This is for them, and honestly also for anyone who wants to argue about it.
1. Staying together for the kids is worth it
Most people say no to this. The prevailing view is that children raised by two unhappy parents who argue are worse off than children of happy separated parents. I do not believe this is as straightforward as it is presented.
When a family stays together, children have both parents physically present – for bedtime, for meals, for the ordinary moments that add up to a childhood. My partner and I are exhausted. We do not have romantic evenings or meaningful conversations that go beyond the immediate logistics of keeping five people alive and functional. But we are both here, every day, and the children have us both. I think that matters more than the ideal version of partnership that separated parents sometimes imagine they are giving their children access to.
Someone commented that we are not only together for the children because we do not hate each other. That may also be true. We are simply too tired to be anything other than honest about what we are right now: two people doing an enormous amount of work together for the same reason. That is not nothing.
2. Years of night nursing matters more than sleeping through
I have been nursing every one to three hours through the night for over three years across my children. I am still doing it now with B and intend to continue for as long as my supply holds. The standard advice is that a mother needs her sleep, needs rest, needs time for herself. I understand that reasoning and I respect that it is right for many people. It is not right for me.
Breast milk is not simply food. I have written about this before and I believe it deeply – it is immune system development, nervous system regulation, physical and emotional closeness, genuine medicine. The WHO recommends two years of breastfeeding for reasons that go far beyond nutrition. Formula covers the caloric and nutritional basics up to a year. Breast milk keeps giving things that cannot be manufactured after that point.
As for the sleep: I function well on fragmented rest. I spent years staying out through the night and still showing up for work and study the next day. If I am in bed for nine or ten hours and sleep in pieces, I get six or seven hours total and that is enough. I am not recommending this for anyone else. I am saying it works for me, and the nursing is worth more than the uninterrupted sleep I am not getting.
3. Boredom is necessary, and overscheduling is not a childhood
Many parents believe that children’s days should be filled – with socialising, activities, structured learning, sport. I believe the opposite. Boredom is where creativity lives. If everything is planned, a child never has to invent anything. They never discover what a stick or a pine cone can become when there is nothing else to do.
We are nearly screen-free as a family. Ms spent three months at home this summer while her nursery classmates attended summer programmes so they would not be bored. She ran outside with the neighbourhood children when she wanted to, spent time with the grandparents, moved at her own pace. She has a sharp mind and is capable in many areas, and I will not be putting her into ten activity groups when she starts school. Children need unstructured time. That is where childhood actually happens.
I know families whose teenagers arrive home from training at seven or eight every evening, whose entire weekends are consumed by competitions. I do not judge the choice. But I do not think that is a childhood. I think that is a schedule.
With Mr this question comes up differently, because he has Down syndrome and the expectation in many circles is that children with additional needs should be in therapy and specialist appointments for significant portions of every day. I understand why – some children are in more complex situations than Mr. But I also ask: when does he simply get to be a child? Our home is full of climbing blocks and music and conversation and outdoor time with other children. We kept all therapies and appointments paused through the summer. From autumn he will go to physiotherapy and swimming twice a month, and creative therapy, special education, and speech therapy once each per month. Three days a month of structured appointments. The rest of the time he is a child at home.
None of my children will attend nursery or school five full days a week from opening to closing. I am their parent. I intend to be the one raising them. That is not a criticism of families who make different choices – it is simply my answer to the question of who a child’s primary environment should be.
More to come
These are the ones that came to mind first. There are others – I know there are, because I seem to hold an opinion on most things and most of my opinions seem to land somewhere outside the mainstream. I will write more when they surface.
If you agree with some of these, I am glad. If you disagree with all of them, that is also fine. These are my controversial parenting principles, lived out daily in a small village with three children under five, and they are the choices that feel right for this family. That is the only standard I am applying.
You are not alone.
If this story resonated with you and you’d like to go deeper, you can explore my e-book Our Journey – A Different Path. It offers honest reflections and lived experience beyond this post.
If you’re looking for practical support, I’ve created Routine Templates to help parents and children navigate daily life with more clarity, structure, and understanding.
You can also read my previous posts or follow along on Instagram @parentguidancehub, where I share everyday reflections on parenting, family life, and finding balance.
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