We are on our second childminder and I mean it when I say childminders are lifesavers. Here is what our days actually look like right now.
Two childminders, two very different seasons
The first came after my third c-section – two months of not being allowed to lift anything heavier than B, not even Mr, who is two and has Down syndrome and needs lifting constantly. She made those months survivable. This autumn we have a second, and her role is different but no less essential. She is here for the potty training, which is currently the most intense thing happening in this house. That is saying something, given that this house contains a five-month-old, a nearly-three-year-old with Down syndrome, and a four-year-old with a personality that fills every room she enters.
Potty training, round two
We tried potty training a few months ago. It lasted several weeks and ended with every surface in the house – sofa, floor, bed, everywhere – thoroughly covered, Mr refusing the potty entirely, and all of us retreating back to nappies. I do not look back on that period fondly.
This time I read a book after finding a recommendation on Instagram and tried a different approach. It does not work exactly as described – nothing ever does – but the progress is genuinely different this time. Mr is two years and nine months old now, and here is what he can do: he pulls his own trousers down and up, he sits on the potty himself sometimes, he cleans up when there is a puddle on the floor, he understands when his trousers are wet and takes them to the machine himself, and he carries the potty contents to the toilet. For a child with Down syndrome, this level of participation and understanding is real progress and I want to name it as such.
What he cannot yet do reliably is sense the need before it happens. Most of the time there is no warning. This morning I intervened and put him on the potty myself, which is not strictly the technique, but the alternative was another set of wet trousers and a wet floor and I made a judgment call. He went. Every morning and every evening we get at least one, usually two or three successful potty uses. The rest of the day is still unpredictable.
The gate between the kitchen and the living room seems to have a particular effect on him – he stands there and it simply happens. I have not found a solution to this. We go through a significant number of trousers. Everything needs to be rinsed by hand before going in the machine, because if you skip that step the entire wash comes out smelling wrong. I will not use stronger cleaning products because B’s clothes go through the same machine. The childminder and I have started joking that B is hearing so much potty conversation that when he learns to crawl, he will crawl directly to the potty. We laughed. It was the kind of laughter that is actually relief.
A good day at school
The day before yesterday Mr went to his specialist sessions for the first time this term – creative therapy, special education, and speech therapy all in one visit. He loved it. He laughed through the sessions and the teachers reported that his attention span has noticeably extended – he can stay with one activity much longer than before. They were also cooperative about the potty training, letting him wear regular trousers and guiding him to the potty at intervals. He did not produce anything, but the fact that they engaged with it rather than working around it matters a great deal.
Yesterday the childminder took Mr to her salon for a few hours in the morning. This was a gift. What I did with it was not what I should have done – I sorted clothes, cleaned, did laundry, sent emails and made calls. All necessary, none of it restful. Today I am trying to be smarter about it. The childminders are lifesavers partly because they give me time, and I am learning that I need to use some of that time to actually stop.
Sleep, or the lack of it
Mr does not fall asleep easily regardless of how tired he is. It takes over an hour most nights – thrashing, kicking, turning, all of it – before he settles. Once he is asleep he stays asleep, but getting there is its own nightly project. My partner and I take turns. Neither of us has found a faster way.
Ms, B and the general state of things
Ms is four and she is a great deal. She is genuinely talented and genuinely demanding and genuinely exhausting in the specific way of children who are very bright and need a great deal of input and attention. Nursery continues to suit her – the structure, the other children, the activities. I noticed recently that they keep her dressed in heavy layers there while at the weekend she was running around in her swimsuit at friends’ place and nobody thought anything of it. Children’s temperatures are a mystery that adults seem to approach very differently depending on the setting.
B is five months old, nursing steadily, watching everything around him with that particular infant attentiveness that makes you feel observed. He is trying to move – when placed on his stomach he turns in circles and pushes his bottom up. Crawling is a long way off. The trying is very much underway.
Childminders are lifesavers in this specific season because without extra hands I cannot give B the attention he needs while also keeping up with Mr’s potty training and whatever Ms requires at any given moment. When I am alone with all three, I nurse B quickly and then sprint after the bigger two. It is functional. It is not the version of any of this I would choose. The childminder makes the better version possible for a few hours, and those hours matter more than I can easily quantify.
You are not alone.
If this story resonated with you and you’d like to go deeper, you can explore my e-book Our Journey – A Different Path. It offers honest reflections and lived experience beyond this post.
If you’re looking for practical support, I’ve created Routine Templates to help parents and children navigate daily life with more clarity, structure, and understanding.
You can also read my previous posts or follow along on Instagram @parentguidancehub, where I share everyday reflections on parenting, family life, and finding balance.
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